|
Judge Chimwamasana was about to fall on his back while his body involuntarily contorted with suppressed laughter. For once, he did not believe what he was reading from the ruling UDF’s mouthpiece—UDF News. And he had read this paper religiously for more than a decade.
Chimwamasana paused after he read a statement that said something like President Bingu wa Mutharika was reneging on his promise to protect party chair Bakili Muluzi. Bingu, apparently, made a statement to the British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) that he did not promise his sponsor protection but mere respect after political victory.
In fact, what amused the judge in the editorial of UDF News was the claim that Bingu was ‘fattening Atcheya for slaughter’, a thinly veiled figurative expression that seemed to suggest that the President would still nab his predecessor if he found enough justification to do so. The judge wondered how much more fat Muluzi should accumulate before Bingu’s alleged slaughter. The UDF chair looked physically fat enough already.
But the judge’s mind was further confused by public pronouncements from both Muluzi and Bingu that led people to believe that all was well between them and only confusionists were trying to pull the two great buddies apart. That is why he thought newspapers were exaggerating views of relations between the two friends.
Other funny assertions in the UDF News, directed at the same Bingu, went as far as saying that as an economist, he should know that there is nothing like free lunch. The judge thought that these statements might sound as simple reminders to the naive ear but could mean volumes to critical minds like those that assembled at KSG.
“What is free lunch in this context?” the judge asked barman Wendewende before he called for a round of Madeira to attract the attention of the lovely KSG clientele.
“This is an expression simply said to remind a beneficiary of a good deed that he/she is expected to give back a little. In this context, it means the President should not act in a way that could be interpreted like he is being ungrateful to the hand that elevated him to high office.
It is strongly believed that Muluzi imposed Mutharika, an outsider, on the UDF executive. For instance, Mutharika should not dare prescribe handcuffs for the chair even when there is something he has to answer for,” said Wendewende, setting down the glasses before patrons with ease.
Chimwamasana wanted to expand on the barman’s observation. He was stunned by Wendewende’s level of understanding of such intricate issues. He was also impressed by the waiter’s interpretation of the expression free lunch. It was near perfect, too good for a barman.
This was when the judge began his own narrative, very slowly. He did it that way to get the bemused audience into his stride.
“There are so many issues that do not add up in the UDF News. For instance, why did Muluzi ‘spend huge resources in cash to ensure Mutharika wins the presidency’? Where did he get the money from? Was it from his pay or his party which he claimed endorsed Bingu?
Should we be led to assume that without the money factor, Mutharika would not have won the election? If ‘yes’ is the answer to the last question, then how honest would we say is the financier when it comes to elections?” Chimwamasana was now shouting on top of his voice.
Only the steady reasoning in his thinking saved him from being certified a solid drunk by the audience.
One question continued to linger in the minds of the KSG patrons after the judge’s tantrums — why are the UDF top brass afraid of arrests? At every opportune moment, the gurus talk of persecution by a government they fought hard to put in power.
KSG continued merrymaking but they were aware of possible clashes between the UDF and government, especially when the ruling party was talking of chaos if Atcheya was locked up in a cooler for deeds that he did do.
|
